Living Meaningfully vs. Chasing an Ideal Life

Dreams and aspirations are like lighthouses guiding us through life's ups and downs. They give us direction, motivation, and purpose. When our dreams match our core values and interests, they push us towards personal growth and fulfillment. Psychologically, clear goals help structure our lives and give us a sense of control, reducing anxiety and fostering a positive mindset. Emotionally, chasing dreams that truly resonate with us can boost our happiness and satisfaction by making us feel more connected to our life's purpose. Plus, pursuing meaningful dreams often leads to deeper connections with others, creating supportive relationships that further enhance our emotional well-being and provide a strong network of encouragement and inspiration. The journey to achieve these dreams is packed with self-discovery, builds resilience, enhances our skills, and makes us more adaptable and resourceful.

The notion of a 'dreamed life' often represents an idealized version of existence, shaped significantly by societal expectations and external pressures. The pursuit of this perfect life can inadvertently lead to profound stress and disappointment. Individuals frequently find themselves striving to meet the benchmarks set by others, rather than focusing on what genuinely brings them fulfillment. The constant chase for an idealized life can be particularly detrimental when faced with unanticipated changes or situations spiraling out of control.

When the reality does not meet our expectations, the body and mind can react in four primary ways, known as the '4F' responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn. In addition, the change curve model offers insight into how individuals typically navigate significant life changes. Understanding these responses and the stages of change underscores the importance of aligning our pursuits with realistic and personally meaningful goals. Rather than chasing an unattainable ideal, focusing on what genuinely enriches our lives can lead to more sustainable happiness and fulfillment. By setting realistic expectations and embracing adaptability, individuals can navigate life's complexities with greater resilience and purpose.

In today’s VUCA world (that is Volatile, Uncertain, Complex, and Ambiguous), we’re constantly facing unexpected and unstable changes. Information is often lacking, making it hard to know how long these changes will last. Everything is interconnected and often unclear, meaning changes and transitions can come one after another or even all at once. Just when we think we've adapted, another challenge might throw us off balance, sometimes with more intensity than we can handle.

For example, one who just graduated and started one's first engineering job. Just three months into this new phase of life, COVID hit, forcing one to work from home. Balancing work virtual meetings and family demands was tough. Before one could figure it out, one got laid off due to the company's restructuring, adding more financial stress to the ongoing student loans repayment. With so many changes in just 1.5 years, one was overwhelmed by the consecutive changes and might start using humor to cope or minimize the perceived impact.

Or consider one who conducts enrichment workshops and had to stop teaching for months due to COVID restrictions, thus impacting one's financial stability. That same week, one lost a key source of income and one's beloved grandmother. During the funeral, one's parents had a huge fight, nearly leading to divorce. Having to deal with financial uncertainties, grief, and family drama all at once pushed one into repression, blocking out the unpleasant memories.

Life can be a whirlwind of unexpected events. The aim of gaining self-mastery is to achieve greater control over our choices, even when things are beyond our control. Defense mechanisms help us cope when we are not having our dreamed life. Self-mastery, however, empowers us to strive towards our dreams in life and make them a reality.

So... What is a life worth living?